I was at the gas station the other day and I was pumping gas. I had the nozzle clipped so it would pump without holding it. So when it clicked off, the gallons were 011.110. I had to print the receipt as proof. Then I went into the gas station to turn in my lotto ticket and I thought I won $3 and it ended up that I won $44. I have the gas receipt by my computer to remind me how cosmic the universe is.
What does it mean? I just don’t know for sure.
For some time now, I’ve been living the “easy” life. And what do I mean by “easy”? Well, I look at life’s resistances and road blocks. If I make a decision to do something or take a certain path, and it is met with resistances or it just doesn’t seem to be working out, I either stop what I’m doing or I take a different path. And on the flip side, if it flows with grace and ease, I know I’m on the right path. This idea has served me well. It requires me to really look at my life and the decisions I make and what I want in my life.
Here’s an example. Last fall, I was unhappy in my job and in life. I knew I had to make some kind of change. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to change jobs or maybe some other kind of change. I loved my job and I loved the people I was working with but I wasn’t making enough money. I also thought maybe if I moved that that would help. So one day, I got an idea that I needed to apply at this other company in town. I got a few signs that this may be something that would work out for me. I told myself, if I am meant to go there, it would be easy. Well, I applied on a Saturday, got a call on Wednesday, and interview on Thursday and I accepted the job on Friday. It went smoothly and now, I love my job and I’m making lots more money. Things lined up perfectly for me to get this job. It was easy. So I knew I was meant to go there.
So I look at what I want in my life and I start making moves towards it. What do you want in your life and what are you going to do to make it easy for yourself? In the past, what aspect of your life has presented itself easily? How can you bring more of that into your life?
All is well, right?
Lately, I’ve been thinking about my dad, Walt. When my mom passed away, my dad went through the house and started “heaving” things out. It was his space now so he decided to make it his own. It may have been his process of grieving my mom and removing her things but he never talked about it. I imagine it was a healing process in a way for him. Mom had her ways and the places she wanted her stuff. Well, my dad now could bring in his tools and leave them in the closet and store his paint and other things where he wanted to put them. It was actually quite funny at times because I would go over to his house and think of looking for something, say a birthday card that mom had. I would go to the drawer where she kept them and the cards would be all gone. I would look at dad and say, “dad, you didn’t heave those cards did you?” And he would say “no, I didn’t heave those” with a sheepish, innocent look. He was so funny.
Why do I bring this up? I’ve been doing my share of “heaving” items in my house lately and it has been so freeing. I would get so caught up in “doing the right thing” in regards to how to remove unneeded things from my space. Should I take it to the library or the thrift store? Should I give it to some friends or maybe I should hold on to it since it had some sentimental value (for example, someone gave it to me as a gift) So I decided to take my dad’s lead and I started heaving stuff. I just threw it in the trash can. And guess what, it WAS freeing and now I have a really nice space, without the stuff. So I am going to continue to “heave” things that I haven’t used in years.
What do you want to “heave”? Do you have stuff laying around your house that you are holding onto for some reason but would love to declutter? Well, start heaving.
In the past three months, my life has transformed in many ways and I always say to people that “life is amazing, both the good and the bad of it.” I’ve had many good things and a few bad things happen to me in the past few months that has changed me in ways I’m still trying to figure out. The first of the changes is I started working for a different company starting November 4th. This has been a very positive change as I’m making more money and there are more opportunities to grow in many facets of my life. I am falling in love with all the people I work with so the environment is good.
The bad part of life in the last few months was on 11/11, my dog was killed by a mountain lion on my property here in the Colorado mountains. This was the ugly part of nature. This was such a loss for me as this dog, named Stella, had been with me through the darkest parts of my life. I got her about 6 months after my mom passed away so she was such a source of joy in a dark time. She also saw my through some big financial woes and also the death of my dad. So we had been through a lot together. I also got another dog in the meantime and this dog, named Sally, does not know how to be in this world without her best friend which breaks my heart. The cosmic thing about this was it happened on 11/11. I see the number 1111 all the time so there is a deeper meaning to this death. I’m still not sure what it is but it sure has rocked my world.
How did this truly change my life and make me realize the life is truly amazing? I changed my job by receiving a few signs that I took as time for me to move on. I read these signs and it was the right thing to do. Now I know to trust myself and the signs given to me. This job pays me enough to cover all my bills and I have extra in the end to eventually save money. Also, because of the hours I work, I’m able to exercise during the day so I’ve been feeling stronger and healthier. I also get free food so a partake of a buffet that has a salad bar so I’ve been eating better. So these are all good things.
As for the death of my dog. It has really honed in how precious life is and how it can change on a dime. My heart is broken but I am grateful to have had Stella in the eight short years I got to enjoy her boundful energy. She was such a light to me and many others. It also showed me the impact we can have on another soul. So it make me realize the other lights I have in my life but more importantly, how I can be a light for people. Life is so short and I know each day is precious.
So yes, life is truly amazing in all the good and the bad of it. I am more trusting in the signs from the Universe or Spirit and I know I’m being guided.
All is well, right?
I am in Durango, Colorado for vacation to check out my old Alma Mater. I loved living down here and I came down to see if maybe some day I might move here. I work in the casino industry and there is one casino down here that is a possible employment for me. Durango is a beautiful place. I feel at peace here. But the question is can I make a living down here? This is a big decision for me as I have a house in Evergreen, Colorado too. Do I sell it? Do I rent it? And where would I live in Durango? Housing is scarce down here.
But I know in the big picture that if I’m meant to move to Durango, it will be easy. If I’m meant to stay, road blocks will show up as to the move to Durango. So I will see what happens this winter. I know for sure that there are too many sad memories in Evergreen and I’ve felt a need to move away for a while now. It is hard as it is my home town and familiar and easy. But I find myself sad more than happy there. I’ve got some really good friends there and I only know one person in Durango. But I meet people easy so I’m not too worried there. So what do I do? Hummmmm. Who knows.
Life decisions are not always easy. Sometimes I just go for it and see what happens but this is a huge decision, based on relationships I have with people at home, familiarity or mystery, financial expectations and a myriad of other small factors that play into this decision. I wish I was a good prayer, maybe the answer would be presented to me clearly. Maybe I’ll try meditating on it for a week and see what happens. Who knows. The good thing is that I don’t have to decide right now. I’ve got time to contemplate this and explore more of my options. The biggest question to answer is where will I be most happy. I know I’m not thriving in Evergreen. I feel stifled and depressed and non-creative. In Durango, it would be new, exciting, scary, and a lot of work to move. What do I do?
I’ll keep you posted. So all is well, right?
I haven’t written in my blog for some time now. I’ve been taking a break. The creative juices haven’t been flowing at all. Why? I don’t know. I just haven’t felt inspired. But today I’m going to make a commitment to start writing in my blog and sharing my experiences both good and bad, always with a lesson to go with them. I would also say I’ve been in a mild state of depression and when you are like that, you don’t feel like doing anything more than going to work and coming home. It doesn’t help that I’m starting mental pause, oh I mean menopause and I cry at a drop of a hat. Ask my friends. It is a big joke at work. What is going to make Beth cry. But anyway, what I’ve been feeling and what is true are two different things but boy do I hold onto the stories I create for myself. Can you relate?
Anyway, my promise is to start writing more and sulking less. How does that sound?